Hug

The group hug, among the most awkward of human rituals, is also one of the most natural.  It occurs in several ways throughout nature and civilization.  Here are a few proverbs that celebrate and elaborate on the group hug:

 

White light was formed when all the colors of the spectrum group hugged.

Rainbows happen when white light is refracted and all the colors of the spectrum linger in silence for a while, too timid to embrace after the break up.

The first molecule was formed when several atoms attempted to group hug.

Valence electrons cause the group hugging of socks in the dryer.

All the remaining matter in the universe is leftover from a primordial event in which all matter and antimatter group hugged.  There was slightly more matter than antimatter.

Penguin group hugs are very stabby.

Narwhal group hugs are also very stabby.

Seal group hugs are very slappy.

Piranha group hugs are very bloody.

Because of their short arms, manatees are unable to group hug.  They can, however, form some very bouncy mosh pits.

An octopus can do a group hug all by itself.

The first sea urchin group hug was also the invention of Velcro.

A cricket group hug is called a chorus.

A snowflake group hug is called a snowball.  It is the only group hug created for use as a weapon.

When pick-pockets group hug they all end up with each others’ wallets.

Group hugging in a bouncy castle causes broken teeth and concussions.

Tie dye shirts were invented when a group of art school students hugged after a watercolor class.

Contrary to common assumption, hippies typically refrain from group hugging due to personal hygiene concerns.  The only hippy who wants to group hug is that old one who lost his sense of smell in Vietnam.

Triplets typically refrain from group hugging because it reminds them too much of being in a womb.  It’s some kind of Freudian thing called the “Cerberus complex.”

Tough men do not group hug unless they have won a baseball championship.  Then they group hug the living crap out of each other right there on the field.

Family sitcoms in the 1980’s were contractually obligated to contain at least one group hug per episode. 

The only group hug that ever took place on Star Trek was untelevised because the network censors in the 1960’s wouldn’t tolerate interspecies embracing.  Remember that Spock is a Vulcan.

Although Robots do not feel love, they do group hug as a cover for when they want to share incriminating files belonging to their human overlords but without going through the internet.

Voltron was first formed when several Anime robots attempted to group hug.

A galaxy is a group hug of stars around a super-massive black hole.  That’s why the Milky Way has arms.  They’re for hugging.  If you don’t believe me, check your Science textbook.